'Doing' Malaysia

It has always annoyed me when people say they have been travelling and have 'done' a country.

"Oh I did India and China", they say airily, followed, usually, by something bland like, "it was awesome."

Great. So all of India was 'awesome'? And how many years did it take you to 'do' it? You seem quite young to have lived there for the number of years I would imagine it takes to 'do' a land mass as large as India, with so many different cultures and environments. Actually I do find myself unable to resist asking something more subtle like,

"Oh right. How long were you there?"

"Well I was in Dehli two nights and then we were in Kerala for about three and then Mumbai for a week," (with a bashful blush), "we were only meant to be in Mumbai for two nights but it was just TOO awesome. We ended up staying for AGES."

You see my point? And what, exactly does 'doing' a country involve? Growing up there? Growing up, somehow, in all of the different regions? Spending a lifetime studying, absorbing and experiencing a culture? No?

Oh. So just marching around all the top ten 'must sees' in the 'India' section of the 'Shoestring' guidebook then? And whingeing about the price being different to the locals.

I am indulging my rather more curmudgeonly side, as you may have noticed. But the idea that a country can be 'done' at all is patronising and reductive. The implication is that you have seen everything that place has to offer and that it is possible to do so in a few days. 

In reality of course people are not intending to do that, and it's really nothing more than a figure of speech. Probably what really annoys me is that the same people who say they have 'done' a country are likely to be the ones who are disgusted in turn with us for not moving more frequently, or for not having ticked off every 'sight' or at least not in quicker succession, leaving time to 'see more'. So it's odious defensiveness disguised as self righteous disapproval of 'da yoof'.

Yes. I am a moaning old nag. 

But you want to know something worse? Today I started doing it myself.

I 'did' the Georgetown Street Art. In a couple of hours. At breakneck pace, map in hand, no sooner seeing one mural than checking the map to orient us to find the next one. In the style I abhor and have just had a nice rant about.

I put myself in charge of navigating us and generally being leader today. I normally follow M, who sorts out the 'finding things' part, having agreed on whatever the main activity is with him the night before. M has to check his GPS a fair amount, but still manages to saunter around, eyes open, taking Georgetown in on the way to each destination. I get the luxury of just floating along beside him, eulogising about how great everything is.

Now that I am in charge, and, on top of that, have chosen to take us on a walking tour of Georgetown's amazing street art, I become suddenly obsessed with the Map, where we are on it and whether we have seen all the murals available to be seen within a two mile radius of us at any given point.

It is me that wanted particularly to see the street art, and yet I find myself viewing each one as though it is a task on a to do list, noting it down and looking for the next one. This is a bit sad, given how beautiful both the art and the concept of the art is. More art has sprung up since the original commission of a young artist  to create art on the streets of Georgetown, but because I am ticking off the murals on an official map, I have some vague idea that I don't have time to look at anything not on the list. I march us through the fascinating streets of Georgetown at top speed and then - when by ten in the morning we have seen everything I feel myself visibly relax. I spend more time in the coffee shop we repair to, looking at its wall art than I have on all the murals together.

What a waste. I have seen them, but only in the sense that I have 'done' them.

We move, as per the rather inhumane plan I have come up with, to the 3D Art Museum. I have been expecting some sort of artistic collection, a little like some of the murals, which use a 'real' object to base the art around - a real bicycle, for example, half embedded in the wall, on which two painted children perch. 

In fact the 3d art museum is one of the most surreal experiences I have ever had. The art is mostly settings for 'trick' photography. It's still impressive and cleverly done, but a little more pop culture than gallery. It is fun though - M and I catch on and begin to pose in a series of melodramatic scenes which, on camera, will look highly realistic. Well maybe. M hauls me from the mouth if a snake, we both flee dinosaurs. We, very weirdly, pull the hair of the ghost from The Ring as she crawls from the TV. It is as I defy expectations and curl up peacefully asleep in the hand of King Kong, that a cheerful and business like member if staff joins us and we proceed to, well 'do' the 3D art gallery. She strides around saying "this one, you stand there and look like falling" and "OK now this, look like running away". She does it very well and the photos are fantastic but the experience is surreal. I find myself unable to keep a straight face and M and I don't quite meet each other's eye. I don't know why really, the idea is to have fun. And we do.

We do it all in about twenty minutes and I have to admit to a vague sense of relief when it's over.

I hand the controls back to M who whisks us to a camera museum and then to a short film showing as there happens to be a South East Asian film festival going on. The shorts are fantastic but the theme rather continues as we have to throw some food down in a rush to get there for the start.

And Penang is the food capital of South East Asia. You do not eat without proper ceremony.

All in all it's been tiring though enjoyable, but I have a sudden insight into the world of those people who 'do' a country. When time is short it is easy to view your trip as a sort of to do list which you must, at all costs, get done. Its only afterwards that you realise you were meant to enjoy it...