What 'Holistic' Really Means

At some point in our stay, (though possibly not this exact date,) Gemmy takes us to a place on the beach in Cenang,

"Cocktails here are only 13 ringgits!" he says - and recommends a few.

We indulge.

Afterwards he tells us about Sunba, where everybody goes to dance.

"It doesn't really get going," he says, "until after twelve"

On another occasion we find ourselves on this side of town again with Gemmy, whose friend has just opened up a restaurant there. We go to support her and the food really is amazing. When we finish we head to a small bar with live music and stay, listening for a while. On the way back towards the car. Gemmy hesitates,

"Shall we just have a look in Sunba?" he says, and then, once we are inside, "just one drink here maybe? My treat?"

The fact is we are enjoying the drinks and Sunba has a nice atmosphere, nicer in fact than similar places we have been, and tend not to go to, in the UK. It's playing better music and our feet are tapping, but we don't, on this occasion, stay long. Later in the trip something clicks in us and we both go crazy on the dance floor, something we haven't done since our wedding and, as we discover the next morning - are probably too old for - but for now we just enjoy a couple of quiet  drinks and absorb the atmosphere.

We get talking about how people who follow or endorse very strict diets always seem miserable. We tell Gemmy about an acquaintance we met who did look hugely healthy and whose posture was so correct she looked as though she had been carved into it like a mannequin, but who was really quite difficult company to go out with, unable to eat anything not fresh, too spicy, containing dairy or trans fats or - as far as we could tell, any hint of flavour or fun. 

"It meant," I tell him, tucking into another cocktail and some fries on the side, "that she kind of didn't have any flavour or fun in herself either."

There is a general agreement that extreme diets or life style choices are not in themselves dull or not fun - in fact may be quite the opposite,  but that it depends on how the regime is followed or implemented in relation to others.

We talk about guests of Gemmy's who came for the wellness retreats he offers. Alcohol plays no part in these and all food served is healthy and fresh, to complement the yoga and tai chi activities and the spa treatments which form part of the schedule. One guest somehow found her way into the kitchen and saw the collection of alcohol on the side. She complained about it.

"How can you call yourself holistic," she said, "when you have that in the house?"

I express annoyance at this narrow mindedness, pointing out that she had not been served it or asked to drink it and that Gemmy himself was not drinking it in front of her.

"Of course not," he says, "it's for the AirBnB guests. The boozers like you!"

He pauses,

"But you know," he says seriously, "it is not her fault. When you are hard on yourself, you are hard on others."

This statement is wise and it rings very true for me. I remember the spiral of self doubt descending into snappiness and irritability. I think about my conclusions only the previous day, that being 'easy going' about things requires a sense of being comfortable with yourself.

I think about our expectations of Gemmy before we came, that we would be made to drink only carrot juice and that the regine would be strictly healthy. I was ready for this and ready to throw myself into it, but I am having rather a lot more fun. Gemmy's AirBnB is different to his holistic retreats.

And then I think about the word 'holistic'. It means 'of the whole' and the idea is to cleanse and calm your whole being, physical and mental. How much might an obsession with denying oneself things on the grounds that they are not good for your physical body harm your sense of mental peace? The answer, I suspect is that it depends how you approach it. 

I feel as though our stay with Gemmy really is holistic. We get fresh air, nature, and healthy and fresh breakfasts made with enormous fun and creative flair (Gemmy has set himself the challenge of making us a different breakfast for all of the seventeen days we are here - and we are not talking cornflakes!). We can have as much exercise as we like and there is beautiful weather and yoga mats provided. And we are having a lot of fun. If the fun includes red wine to toast the moon and cheap cocktails to giggle over, I don't think that's making our experience less holistic.

'If you are hard on yourself, you become hard on others.'

It really makes a lot of sense. Once again, the strictures you chose to impose upon your life will do you more good or less depending on where it is inside you they come from.

I think our experience with Gemmy has been immensely holistic. And one of the aspects of this healing was, by the end, that we went to a club and we tore up the dance floor. We discovered bits of ourselves that we don't let out much. We also discovered that nature really makes us happy, that walking or cycling ourselves somewhere is immensely more satisfying than employing some external engine and that gentle, positive energy, like Gemmy has is more important than all of the diet and exercise in the world - and indeed, will better inform it.

It all sounds quite holistic to me.

 And not an enema in sight.