Homesick?

Really? Am I?

Before anyone from England becomes deeply offended at my apparent surprise, let me explain.

People had told me that I would probably get homesick at some stage and that I would become tired of travelling, jaded and longing for home. I nodded. I imagined being distraught, or desperate for something specifically English. A good cup of tea maybe, or a scone. That hasn't happened, though it's early days and I may find that more likely in countries that are harder work. I imagine roads with pavements will be nice to encounter again. And I wouldn't mind on the slightest if I never had to see or hear another motorbike ever again. Other than that South East Asia is one of the most easy destinations.

But certainly the homesickness I imagined then is not something I have so far felt.

Recently though, I have noticed a sudden rise in how frequently I spent time on Facebook.  Up until now I have barely looked at it. Why would I? I have so much to see and do here, I'm blogging already and I never really bothered with it much when I was in England. Now I find myself rifling through news feeds, commenting on posts and looking up old friends I haven't spoken to in ages. If I receive a message or someone comments on something, I have become really excited, lapping up even the most inane of comments and responding to them immediately. People who I have been thinking about find themselves receiving an email from me, peppering them with questions and enthusiastic affection. When rather unfortunately, the Balinese WiFi availability doesn't allow me to Skype very easily with my parents, I send a long email and then check obsessively for their reply. I hatch plans for all the great things we'll do when I get home, something I was thinking about anyway but now I find myself having to exercise restraint to stop myself from all but setting times and dates and planning outfits.  What is happening? I have always loved and enjoyed hearing from these people, but I am not generally so close and personal with the social media, at home and especially not whilst travelling.

Could this be homesickness?

I ask M. He observes that Bali has been the most tiring of the places we have visited this far, in it's sporadic nature, intense activity followed closely by nothing at all, with probably the highest level of traffic related noise pollution other than Ho Chi Minh city. It has taken more effort to find our way into Bali. Perhaps I am reaching out for the ease and familiarity of good old England.

Maybe.

But both of us are not quite convinced by that one. What makes more sense is the combination of internet unreliability so that contact is more uncertain and the fact that Bali is the first place so far where we haven't made a friend or had someone around to talk to. And we, me especially, are social beings. I am not quite sure why, as there are occupants of  the three other wood cabins, all of whom are English speaking and many of whom are long term guests. And we've said hello. But we haven't got talking. 'Getting talking' is a strange sort of happenstance, which requires a special balance of effort (you have to start it, you have to be bright and chatty) and luck (there is something you have in common, something makes you connect). I think we have been lacking one or the other each time we have spoken to people in Bali, though we have got on famously with some of our Balinese guides or hosts in Ubud. But, not to put too fine a point on it, we gave to pay them for their friendship because even if they wanted to, they can't afford (in time or money) to give it for free.

Of course there is also the more simple explanation. I have great friends and family. I haven't seen them in a while.

Yes. Maybe that's it. But if this is homesickness, I must say it is surprisingly gentle. I am not unhappy or unsettled and I don't yearn for Britain. I just think a lot about the people. And to be honest, if anything, it produces in me a sense of warm well being. Feeling affectionate produces endorphins, and thinking happily about how great everyone is just makes me realise, again, just how lucky I am.

If it's a sickness, I have to say I'm reaching too hastily for the remedy.