Put me on my death bed right now and I would spend most of my time snivelling and trying to get sympathy. In between, if you were silly enough to ask, I would probably recount my life in journeys. Student debt to solvency, single to happily married, starting points, turning points, aspirations. You know, the big stuff. I might not mention which particular diet fads worked or didn't work. I may not remember that mistake I made at work which was not significant but for which I spent nearly an entire week mentally crippling myself. I would definitely not care whether on Tuesday 24 August 2003, someone had remembered to put the bins out.

And yet on a daily basis approximately 90% of my energy is ploughed into just those issues and the bigger picture is....well, a bit over pixelated.

This is fine, I reason. And perfectly rational. What is important however is not to let stuff I won't remember prevent me from finding the time to create the memories I will cherish.

And so....operation no regrets. Beginning with a travelling adventure. Eleven months, eleven counties, two backpacks, myself, my husband and the odd mosquito along for the ride.

Monday, 27 October 2014

A Word to the Wise

Yes, yes. I know. I'm supposed to tell you what we've been doing. We exercised in the park this morning like proper locals and attempted to wriggle, swing, push, pull and wobble our pasty western flab off. Well mine anyway. M is still working on the previous instruction, ("You must eat many, many rice"). 

Then we went to a coffee shop where we gently wheezed for a while, and I spent some quality time with Neville.

A little bit of wandering turned into a rather more purposeful march as the rains came in and we returned to the bia hoi place we enjoyed so much the first time. We spent an undisclosed amount of time there. (In our defence, it was raining.) We planned the next installment of 'K and M's riveting voyage of discovery in southern Vietnam', which shall take place in Dalat, a small town a little further north.

We came home. The cat triumphed over her long unvanquished foe, the fabric wardrobe, and sat on top of its conquered corpse, grinning at us and going to sleep on our towels.

But none of that is important. The paramount issue here is what we are going to tell the Prime Minister when he summons us to advise him once we get home. Whoever he or she happens to be by then.

Because of course we will be sent for. To share our wisdom. 

And this is what we will say:

Things England should instigate immediately, learning from its Vietnamese neighbours.

1) Smiling (compulsory for all, and particularly at foreigners)
2) Cockerals. There just should be more of them
3) Free exercise equipment in parks
4) Better weather (to facilitate 3)
5) Free WiFi everywhere
6) Coffee houses. Cheap ones, with extensive menus. Serving much more than just coffee and not having ridiculous names (what IS a flat white when it's at home?)
7) Fake meat. That actually tastes good AND is made of actual food.
8) Cheap, decent bus services
9) Food that isn't necessarily a heart attack. Wrapped in blubber.

These should all be implemented immediately. 

However, Mr or Ms Prime Minister can be congratulated on the following:

1) Equal opportunities
2) New men
3) Lack of bartering
4) Social services
5) Free speech
6) Craft beer
7) Pavements

Here endeth the lesson. Take note.

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