Put me on my death bed right now and I would spend most of my time snivelling and trying to get sympathy. In between, if you were silly enough to ask, I would probably recount my life in journeys. Student debt to solvency, single to happily married, starting points, turning points, aspirations. You know, the big stuff. I might not mention which particular diet fads worked or didn't work. I may not remember that mistake I made at work which was not significant but for which I spent nearly an entire week mentally crippling myself. I would definitely not care whether on Tuesday 24 August 2003, someone had remembered to put the bins out.

And yet on a daily basis approximately 90% of my energy is ploughed into just those issues and the bigger picture is....well, a bit over pixelated.

This is fine, I reason. And perfectly rational. What is important however is not to let stuff I won't remember prevent me from finding the time to create the memories I will cherish.

And so....operation no regrets. Beginning with a travelling adventure. Eleven months, eleven counties, two backpacks, myself, my husband and the odd mosquito along for the ride.

Sunday, 21 December 2014

The Great Travelling Meltdown: Part Three - Hometruths - The Brutality of Travel

I am aware that by being quite this honest you are all going to be either worried about me or have written me off as a complete nut job. Do other people have this sort of experience? Do other travellers, with their 19 years and enormous confidence, their shiny skin and devil may care attitude, also have these wobbles? Do normal people, from time to time, have massive crises of confidence? I don’t know. I am running the risk that nobody else does and it really is only me and I am justifiably certifiable. But somehow I don’t think I’m on my own here. Maybe I’m just revealing it a little more than is usual.

Either way, I have started and so I will finish. Today is the pinnacle of my own personal meltdown, and, though I don’t know it until later, the peak that marks the end of it, and reveals the solution. And for once it is a rather simple solution. If a little dependant on how firmly I can stick to it.

We decide, somewhat belatedly, to mark today as a ‘Red Tent Day’, (see “Red Tents and Big Tops”).

It doesn’t really work as well as it did last time, mainly because circumstances compel us to do quite a lot together, and restrict or predict our choices of activity. It’s Sunday market day so we need to go to that as it can be hard to get vegetables and, especially, tofu, in between. It is also a day that has been previously marked off as ‘The Day When I Make Dinner’. M has raised concerns that whilst he loves cooking and would rather do it himself, it has been a long time since I cooked, and it might be nice for me to have a go. I accepted this, worried that it might be a carefully concealed feeling that I am not pulling my weight. It’s actually a really bad (and as we shall see later, a really good) day to pick. But we didn’t know that when we picked it.

We go to market and then settle into doing the sorts of things one does on red tent day, separate books to be read, separate wanderings around in town, and so on. The trouble is today I actually feel  much brighter, and have somehow managed  to self absorbedly forget that red tent day works both ways. I feel fine so I chatter to M about this and that, starting conversations and generally invading the mental space which Red Tent Day is supposed to be all about.

I wander into town, and get talking to a Thai shopholder named Jin. (That isn’t her name but the usual privacy rules apply.) Jin talks happily away to me, she in her headscarf, me in my shorts and vest top, and discuss Cambodia, what M and I have seen and done there, Jin’s shop, Thailand in general, and the beauty we fail to see in ourselves but can see in each other. I rave about the Thai golden skin, she about my pale alabaster (splotched with red from the sun). We both, I think, feel good for it, and I, somewhere in the middle of this, choose and buy a dress from her shop, to wear on Christmas day. We discuss peacefulness and tolerance and she wishes me a happy Christmas in my new dress.


When I get home I am floating. I often find that nothing does better for my general sense of bonhomie than chatting to somebody, anybody really. If they are someone new that’s exciting, if an old friend, it’s precious, and there’s a lot of good in the in-betweens. In this case I am especially pleased because, aside from Boris, she is the first actual Thai friend we have made. Everyone else we have become friendly with lives here, is essentially and culturally Thai minded, but come from a multitude of other places which are not Thailand.

I burst into the house and begin excitedly to tell M all about it. His response, to gently remind me that this is meant to be red tent day and I could tell him later, maybe, bursts my bubble like an arrow. I plummet to the ground in an uncontrollably swift and sudden change of mood.

Looking back on it, this is something that exemplifies why traveling is such a roller coaster, somehow you are always raw with something, mostly excitement, happiness or absorption, but also disappointment, self doubt, uncertainty. It is possible to be swanning about believing you are God’s gift because somebody said you were good looking, but be only a day away from absolute self disgust. In this instance I think there was a self esteem issue which needed dragging out into the open, examining ruthlessly, and cleaning out, in order for me to get on and live this without battling a dark and feverish demon, constantly informing me that I am inferior and/or doing it wrong.

I set about cooking. The plan had been for me to make several Thai dishes, which could be made ahead this afternoon and then eaten after our planned ‘virtual beer’ with some good friends from home over skype.  This way, we had reasoned, we could have a couple of nice beers and some fun with the guys, and then the food, when we got the inevitable munchies, would simply be there, ready for us to fall upon. I had selected the dishes, planned them myself and was now embarking on preparing them.

Trouble is, rather as M had predicted, somewhere along the line, because M is so very very good with a knife, a hob and some foodstuffs, I have sort of convinced myself that I can’t cook at all. This is a tradition long and bitterly observed between couples I think. If you begin with both of you having a reasonable ability at something, and one of you happens to be outstanding, the other one manages, somehow to believe, not simply that the other person is better at it, but that this in some way makes them useless. M does it himself sometimes about writing, sometimes about socialising. I do it about cooking, about making things, about cycling. I know couples who do it about the ability to learn languages, about earning potential, about how they look. Newsflash – it is utterly irrational. Because your partner is great at it does not mean you have no ability whatsoever. You are not ugly because they are beautiful. You are as averagely attractive as you were when you started. If they are mensa level intelligent this does not mean you are mentally impaired. And M being instinctively brilliant with food, does not make me unable to boil an egg.

Rationality, however, is not something, which, in this particular moment, I am possessed of much of.  I begin to cook. Nothing goes wrong but I find it hard. I don’t have the touch that M has, the ability to throw something perfect together in half an hour, to chop things without even looking, to manage to dice everything to perfect geometric cubes of exact equal size without spilling a pip, or a drop of juice, or getting eggshell in it. It takes all afternoon. It has taken about 3 hours and I am three quarters of the way through when the whirl of spiralling self doubt – now turned to definitive self loathing, peaks, and I stop my silent seething, turn off the heat, lock myself in the toilet, and cry.

It’s a lonely experience, crying alone, especially when you are being deliberately quiet because you don’t want the other person to know. I am aware, rather alarmedly, that I seem to be going crazy, and I reason, probably correctly, that M really doesn’t need to have to deal with any more of it. The tears are bitter and biting, though in that rather beautiful way, also gradually calming, but before they calm, they convulse me, and all I can think is that M should be released somehow from this awful marriage to this awful wife who has changed so drastically and become so horrible, so that he can seek the woman he really deserves – a much better one who is not so devoid of talent or sense.

As the sobs begin to ease naturally, I list, brutally, what I have discovered about myself since travelling:

·         I am afraid of everything
·         When I am afraid I am nervy and then narky
·         I am unable to accomplish even a simple thing like cooking a meal
·         I am not as nice as people think – in fact I am not patient, I am short of fuse
·         I am no longer an easy person for M to be with – I have become high maintenance

Somehow in this listing, I move from being miserable and self pitying, to cold and clinical. If I am not worth much, I reason, as the above list would appear to demonstrate, why am I scared? What am I ultimately scared of? Clearly fear comes from self preservation. I must, therefore, have some interest in preserving myself.
This reasoning moves quite quickly to a sense of grim determination. I deserve to suffer the small difficulties involved in cooking a meal for the person I love. I should bite the bullet and just get on with things I am afraid of.

And as the initial fervour of misery starts to dye away, I can see that I am not short of fuse unless afraid or self punishing, and that I am not as high maintenance as a lot of girls might be, in the same situations. I can see also, as some very good friends of mine will point out to me later, that really this is an extension of the issue of unreasonable comparisons in couples as discussed above. M is, genuinely, one of the most calm and unflappable people I have ever met. He is one of the most calm and unflappable people anyone has ever met. Comparing myself to M, of course I will come off as an utter maniac, thus fuelling the fire for greater maniacal behaviour, and so on and so forth. If I compare myself to any number of other people, which I now begin to do, I find that whilst I am not the most easy going of them, I am up there in the top quartile.

And as I move, rather more determined now, to the mirror, to remove the evidence of my random hysteria (M is of course much too thoughtful not to have noticed, but he allows me my deceit for the relevant period of time, before later, gently asking me what happened), I can see that the first two things are the key – fear and not being able to do things. This, ladies and gentlemen, is Fear and Self Loathing in South East Asia, a lesser known film than its Vegas counterpart, but no less trippy.


Fear is another matter, and not one I am strong or clear minded enough to tackle now. But self loathing, I realise, can be pragmatically assuaged. The best way to prove I am not incapable of cooking, is to get back out there, get on with it, whip my rather pathetic ass into shape, and COOK.

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