Put me on my death bed right now and I would spend most of my time snivelling and trying to get sympathy. In between, if you were silly enough to ask, I would probably recount my life in journeys. Student debt to solvency, single to happily married, starting points, turning points, aspirations. You know, the big stuff. I might not mention which particular diet fads worked or didn't work. I may not remember that mistake I made at work which was not significant but for which I spent nearly an entire week mentally crippling myself. I would definitely not care whether on Tuesday 24 August 2003, someone had remembered to put the bins out.

And yet on a daily basis approximately 90% of my energy is ploughed into just those issues and the bigger picture is....well, a bit over pixelated.

This is fine, I reason. And perfectly rational. What is important however is not to let stuff I won't remember prevent me from finding the time to create the memories I will cherish.

And so....operation no regrets. Beginning with a travelling adventure. Eleven months, eleven counties, two backpacks, myself, my husband and the odd mosquito along for the ride.

Monday, 29 December 2014

The Portrait of K and M: The Enchanted St Christopher

When we embarked on this trip my sister gave me a St Christopher. I have blogged about this before and about her half joking half serious faith in its ability to keep us safe and to bring her sister back to her in one piece. One live and kicking piece, bright and bushy and eager to tell the tale.

I have also blogged before about how it does indeed, seem not only to have done its job, but to have gone over and above its initial mission, bringing us champagne, prime seats, jumping queues for us and securing us a few rather perfect accidents (a cancellation of an Air BnB booking allows us to change our booking to something else, which turns out, arguably, to be better).

I have a new theory about our St Christopher. I think it is taking the hits for us.

You may or may not know the story of The Portrait of Dorian Grey, by Oscar Wilde. If you don’t know it, you may know the concept from films like The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which utilise it, if a little misleadingly.

The basic idea is this: Dorian Grey is a beautiful young man who is gifted and charming, and who, not to point too fine a point on it, everyone fancies. Men and women alike are drawn to his charms. But he has a terrible secret. Tempted by the devil, in the form of a rather loosely categorised ‘friend’, he has made a pact with something dark and dreadful, to allow him to remain, forever, beautiful. Dorian does not age, he does not mark, and, though this is rather overly emphasised in cartoon references after the original novella, he does not die.  His secret is a hidden portrait, covered by dust sheets and kept locked away. The portrait, of him as a young man, full of life and beauty, is, essentially, his soul. Where he does not age, it does. Moreover, it bears all the marks of his inner darkness, his sins, and later, his murders, are all evident in the ever more horrific portrait he keeps so carefully hidden, both from others and, because of its horrifying truthfulness, himself. In the end the only way for Dorian Grey to die, is to kill, not the nubile young man he is known as, but the portrait itself.

That contained rather a lot of spoilers for the novella, for which I am sorry. But I think it’s famous enough now that most people know it. And if you didn’t, just buy the book and put it to one side for a year. You’ll have forgotten by the time you rediscover it. And it is worth reading.

Anyway, much as I am sure that Oscar Wilde would appreciate my one women advertising campaign for his work, the point, as I suspect you know I am about to come to, is that our St Christopher is the portrait of Dorian Grey for us.

Not that we have killed anyone, and I don’t think as yet that it is taking on the darkness of our souls, though who knows what may happen by the end of the trip, (“you change,” says everybody, “when you are travelling. You won’t know yourself.”), perhaps we will return as serial killers, disguised as slightly sweaty angels. But I have a theory that our St Christopher is taking all the bashings we are managing to avoid.

It has been with me everywhere I go, in my purse, but I keep it wrapped in the paper it was given to us in, to preserve it. The other day, I took it out to show someone, and was surprised to find it looks, well, a little different to the way it did when we first started out.

The writing seems to have tarnished and is not altogether readable. It is not the clear silver script on black background it once was, nor is it perfectly round, but seems to have acquired the odd groove around the edges. As I have done nothing more than carry it about in my purse, this seems to me mysterious and wonderful.

M does venture that possibly the St Christopher is made of silver, which does tarnish if not polished, and it occurs, even to me, that it could be related to salt water having managed to get on practically everything in Thailand, and that if washed in fresh water and polished up, it would be fine. Plus my purse has been everywhere with me. So it will have got a bit bashed and juggled around in my bag.

But I refuse to believe in such unlikely stories. I think that for every time we have ridden in an open backed jeep driven crazily fast on mountain paths in Thailand, for every time we have traffic dodged on Cambodia’s crazy roads, or ridden a motorcycle taxi in Vietnam, for every boat trip in rough weather, every snake, spider or scorpion we have passed in our sandals without noticing, every new combination of unusual or unidentifiable foods we have tried, or for every mountain, hill or incline we have scrambled our way up, over or under, our St Christopher has gained another, minor defect. Just a smudge on his lettering, or a tiny groove in his side. We have not taken any overt or obvious risks, and have done nothing which could later have been described as ‘reckless’. We have not wandered into jungle wasteland without proper shoe wear, or a supply of water, have not knowingly taken any transport which did not have a good safety reputation (at least under the conditions of the country we are travelling in), and have never knowingly driven with an unsafe driver. I say that – sometimes we have known once we were in the vehicle only, and there was nothing we could do about it (I am thinking about Thailand – speed, substances and sight (of the road) are all things which are taken quite lightly on Koh Lanta). And I suppose there was that one time when we drove our own motorbike. But still.

For every mosquito that has managed, despite clothing, repellent, and fierce admonishment, to bite one of us, our St Christopher has sweated his way through a bout of dengue fever. For every monkey that has tried to bite our hands in order to steal sunglasses (yes, really), he has dealt with the rabies. (though actually we are fully injected and immunised, so I am sure that in fact, it  would have been fine anyway – but that rather breaks my flow, so for now, we’ll pretend a little more danger  than we have ever actually allowed ourselves to be in.) We are travelling nowhere in which there have been reports of Ebola, for which I expect our St Christopher is heartily pleased.

Travelling does mean that all the time you face tiny dangers, based normally on having less information or less certainty than you might in your own culture and on your own geography. It’s not that you are always risking your life, as I set out above, you have a choice in that kind of activity), but you are always wandering past ‘Sliding Doors’ style alternate situations. And I think our St Christopher is taking the hits.

I re-wrap our poor beleaguered saint back up in his paper, and place him back in my purse. When we get back, and he is back off duty, he can relax. I’ll even treat him to a bath and a bit of a polish.


And in the meantime, I can’t help but sneak little peeks at the state of him. How, I wonder, will he look after we go Fly Boarding in New Zealand?  

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